An Introduction

As evidenced by the title of my Blog, I am a Transgender Mormon, yet I am so much more than that, and I would like to write more about my whole experience.  However for my initial post, I'd like to get some housecleaning out of the way.  Some of my followers know me by Brandon, which is the name my parents have given me.  It's a good name, a strong name, and a foundation for one of my favorite nicknames... Branmuffin!  The only issue, is that inside, I don't feel male, I feel like a female. Over the course of the last year, I have been examining closer who I am inside.  To those people who know me as part of my self discovery journey, they will know me by Lexi, which is how I am known in the Transgender LDS community. So, let's set up some house rules.  I bring this up, because some commentators may refer to me as Brandon, some as Lexi, it'll just depend on which side of the gap you are coming from.  I may be referred to he, him, or she and her, and I'm OK with all of that, I don't care what you may call me.... Just don't call me late for dinner (and if you've seen me, you know THAT doesn't happen... OK, a little self deprecating humor on my part..forgive me!)  I have been keeping two Facebook pages for the past year, and while I will continue with that, I hope to be able to bridge that gap with this blog.  I understand that some of you who have known me my whole life may not be comfortable with seeing me as Lexi.  I understand that, I really do.  That is why I created this blog so that if you are uncomfortable, you can come here and feel safe and follow me on my journey.

 I came out to my wife Tina about a year ago about my being Transgender, and my story of what has brought me to this point will be chronicled in an essay I am writing for Northstar and their Journey's of Faith project.  The point of this blog is to continue the story.  I will be filling this blog with information regarding what it is like being a transgender Mormon, the struggles, the triumphs and everything in between.  However, being transgender is just one aspect of who I am.  I am a Husband, Father, Therapist, sports enthusiast, music lover etc.  I plan on blogging on all these aspects, as I don't wish to be defined by one aspect of who I am.

So Why Come Out Now?

My initial plans for coming out were to wait until a few weeks prior to my Northstar essay was to appear, however several things have happened that have made me feel the need to share my story now, as opposed to waiting.  First of all, I attended a work conference and I attended a break out session regarding LGBT youth and suicide and understanding this within the gospel context.  I had heard this stat before, but for some reason, during that session it struck me harder than ever before.  41% of transgender individuals have attempted or completed suicide at some point in their lives.  That is 4 times the national average and double that of the LGB population.  Here is an article that points out this statistic and some of the reasons the suicide rate is so high.  http://www.vocativ.com/culture/lgbt/transgender-suicide/  This is just not OK by me.  I determined that I would share my story to give hope to others that there are other options. There are many reasons for the high suicide rate.  Bullying, discrimination, shunning by family members are some of them. It is imperative that family members take time to listen to their transgender family members. http://articles.latimes.com/2014/jan/28/local/la-me-ln-suicide-attempts-alarming-transgender-20140127.  

The other thing that happened that has made me up my timetable a bit is what I saw transpire during the Caitlyn Jenner Vanity Fair magazine story.  I saw Facebook fill up with words such as pervert, creep, loser, not a hero, etc.  These words were all words I used to describe myself for my whole life leading to a life full of self hatred and self loathing. I have worked hard in therapy to no longer look at myself in that way.  Seeing these comments brought back all those feelings I had about myself, however thankfully, I have the resiliency to overcome them.  I don't know that all transgender individuals have this resiliency and I worry that these types of comments and conversations will only further lead to the suicide rate being so high.  I am making a call for compassion. I also want to show that there are other ways to manage what is known as gender dysphoria.  At this time, I do not plan on following Caitlyn Jenner's path, which is known as social transitioning. That is her path, and I have my own.  I have no problem with her decision to transition, nor do I have any problem with people who decide to transition, even within the church, so long as they have prayed about it and followed their personal revelation.  I can promise you that the decision to socially transition is not some passing fancy or a whim.  It calls for serious reflection, lots of therapy etc.  As for my personal opinion on the Caitlyn Jenner story.  I was thrilled when I watched the 20/20 interview with Diane Sawyer.  I was worried that there would be some sensationalizing or giving into stereotypes of transgender individuals.  I found it to be educational and very tastefully done.  The Vanity Fair article was my worst nightmare.  It sexualized transgenderism, and sexualized Caitlyn.  I have seen many comments that there is more to being a woman than just pretty hair, pretty clothes etc, and that is exactly right.  It takes love, compassion, empathy, service to others, etc.  That to me is the essence of womanhood, and that is where the Vanity Fair issue missed the boat and used sex as a tool to sell magazines, instead of telling the story of someone who is embracing who they are and how she got to this point in her life.  May we all take a minute a ponder what we put up on Facebook and realize that people from all walks of life have various trials that we know nothing about.  Let's refrain from name calling and try to have more understanding.  This is my hope.   

I have included other links to other blogs from some of my friends who also are transgender and how they are navigating their Gender Dysphoria within the Gospel.  I also have included a link to a wonderful organization called Northstar, and in particular their Journey's of faith project.  Please take a moment to read from these blogs and see the wide variety of experiences that are a part of this human existence.  It is only through education that we can eradicate fear of the unknown.