Understanding being transgender within a gospel context.

9 We believe all that God has revealed, all that He does now reveal, and we believe that He will yet reveal many great and important things pertaining to the Kingdom of God.

One of my biggest struggles in coming to terms with being Transgender, was how or if this can even work within a gospel context.  First of all, lets get one thing clear, biological sex does not equal gender.  If you are interested in learning more about the differences between gender, sex, sexual orientation and gender expression, please click Here.  (I will be doing a more detailed post about this particular graphic later.).  We know of people who are intersex, or they have both sets or neither sets of genetila.  My supervisor once worked with a hermaphrodite.  The Doctor asked the parents if they wanted a boy or a girl.  The mother wanted a girl, and she was made a girl.  However, as this girl grew up, she never felt like a girl, despite being raised as one, and having all the proper parts.  She decided to transition to a man, whom she felt she was from the get go.  These cases are easy to diagnose because it is an outer expression of an intersex condition.  For many transgender individuals, I believe that this is an intesex condition of the brain.

Over the past year, as transgender has become more of a hot button topic, I have heard comments from church members such as "God doesn't make mistakes, he wouldn't send a woman's spirit into a man's body (or vice versa).  Arguments for this point generally come from this line in "The Family: A Proclamation to the World" it states that "Gender is an essential characteristic of individual premortal, mortal and eternal identity and purpose."  I sustain this proclamation. It also states that " Disability, death, or other circumstances may necessitate individual adaptation." I don't believe that God makes mistakes, and we also must realize that we live in a fallen world, full of genetic abnormalities.  Did God make a mistake with people who are born without a limb, with club feet, downs syndrome, cleft lip/pallet.  Did God make a mistake with Nick Vujicic?  His movie The Butterfly Circus is a wonderful movie in which he learns to love himself despite all the negative things he had heard his whole life, and a man who helped him to see he is more than just a person with a disability. So again, I ask the question, did Heavenly Father make a mistake? I believe the answer is no, God did not make a mistake, but as Jesus said in John Chapter 9:3 when his disciples asked him who had sinned this man or his parents that he was born blind, Neither hath this man sinned, nor his parents: but that the works of God should be made manifest in him. In all these cases genetics messed some things up.  There is growing evidence that Gender Dysphoria is a medical condition, not a psychological one.  In this article (which you can read, if you want to), it basically states that the brain structures of Male to Females (which is how I identify) more closely resembles that of a female brain, than a male brain, and in particular the Hippocampus appears to more closely resemble that of a female brain.  You can read that article Here.

So, all that being said, please consider these two possibilities.  One, as far as I know, (and please correct me if I am wrong), we don't know when the spirit enters the body.  Is it at conception?  At birth, or somewhere in between.  According to this article at WebMd, sex hormones (estrogen and testosterone) begin to influence a fetus at 26 weeks.  So, just for arguments sake, lets say that the spirit enters the body at conception.  A female spirit,meant to go into a female body.  Then due to some unforeseen circumstances due to genetics the fetus doesn't absorb the proper hormones needed to develop the body they were supposed to have.  (Other studies indicate that this can be attributed to certain chemicals such as DDT.)  Or, consider this example.  A male spirit is born into a male body, however also due to genetics going haywire, their brain develops more like a female, making them feel as though they are a female.  Either way, it is genetics and a fallen world contributing to these issues. 

So, what else does the church state about being Transgender?

In short, not much.  Other than the Proclamation on the Family that I mentioned above, and a little blurb in the Church Handbook of Instructions which states that "elective sex reassignment surgery may be cause for church discipline", not much is known or understood about this issue by the Church.  In a recent Trib Talk interview, Elder Oaks acknowledged as such. You can watch the whole interview  Here. The topic is approached at about the 11:00 minute mark in the video, and his comments about "the unique challenges of a transgender individual" comes at about the 14:00 mark.  In summary, he states "We have been acquainted with Lesbians and Homosexuals and their challenges for quite some time, however in regards to a transgender situation, this is something that is newer to us and  I think we have some unfinished business on that, and more teaching to do." This statement by Elder Oaks makes me think of the 9th article of faith, which I started this blog.  I believe that the Lord will YET reveal other truths to his church.  This being said and being transgender, this leaves each person who is transgender and wanting to remain active and faithful in the church with much soul searching, relying upon the Lord and their own personal revelation.  Since becoming more active in Northstar, I have met people who feel it necessary to socially transition (dress, and present as their perceived gender) and have done so with their Bishop's and Stake President's blessing.  They come to church as female (or male), are addressed by their preferred name etc. They hold temple recommends and are able to attend the temple. (however they are asked to dress as and sit on the side of the aisle of their biological gender.)  I also have met people who choose to do nothing.  They pray, read their scriptures and don't act upon these feelings and I have met others who manage these feelings more in the middle, such as dress on occasion, and take some form of hormones to help balance the emotions.  I can tell you that each one of them came to these conclusions only after much prayer, fasting, consulting with priesthood leaders and family members. I recently watched the movie "A Beautiful Mind," and I find it interesting that Dr. John Nash was able to manage his schizophrenia with no medications.  I certainly would not recommend that for everyone, but for him it worked.  The same principle I believe can be applied to Gender Dysphoria.  Each person needs to find what works for them.

What about Talks given by General Authorites that state the church doesn't compromise on gender identity?

Again, there have been some talks given by apostles that state that the Church won't compromise on gender identity.  Two talks that have been cited are linked Here (This is from Elder Dallin H. Oaks) and Here (From Elder Boyd K. Packer). The Lord provides information line upon line, precept on precept.  The Church at one time forbade African Americans from holding the priesthood and conference talks were given defending that position, and some even claiming they would NEVER hold the priesthood.  Elder Packer has given two talks in General Conference stating that homosexuality is a choice. To Young Men Only, and more recently in his October 2010 address.  This was not only Elder Packer's stance, it was also what the church taught.  However, if you look up Mormon's and Gays on the front page, it states "The experience of same-sex attraction is a complex reality for many people. The attraction itself is not a sin, but acting on it is. Even though individuals do not choose to have such attractions, they do choose how to respond to them. With love and understanding, the Church reaches out to all God’s children, including our gay and lesbian brothers and sisters."  Did the church cave to societal pressure to change their position on these issues?  I don't believe so.  Do I believe that these men were wrong in what they were teaching?  No, I do not, I believe that they were speaking in regards to the information they had on the topic at the time. I believe that through much study, prayer and conversations, the Lord was able to direct his servants to change course. I have heard it said that information is key to inspiration.  I believe that conversations such as I am having on this blog and through the Journey's of Faith project we are working on providing information to inform inspiration.  I see Elder Oaks' comments in the Trib Talk interview that there is much that has not been revealed regarding transgenderism, nor has there been any direct counsel from the Church on how a person with Gender Dysphoria can cope with these feelings as noted above.  So, while the church has a stance regarding the importance of gender in this life and in the eternities, I have not yet come across any counsel addressing what is and is not appropriate in regards to managing these emotions, (again, with the exception of "sex reassignment surgery may be cause for Church Discipline). This has led to what has been termed "Bishop Roulette", with one Bishop having no problem with how a person copes, while others will hand out consequences.  For instance, some Bishops see "cross dressing" as an acceptable way to manage these emotions, as there is no specific church counsel that "men must wear male clothes at all times, and women must wear women's clothes at all times"  However some see this as an addictive activity, one which is a "slippery slope" to transition, surgery, leaving the church or their family.  This argument holds little weight as evidenced by this Blog Post.  In it, it states that the best estimates for those who identify as transgender is between 1 in 300 to 1 in 500, and the amount of people who actually have gender confirmation surgery is between 1 in 30,000 and 1 in 50,000.  So, clearly not every transgender individual will end up having surgery and it is a very small minority that do pursue this course. 

Circling around to the beginning of this post.  I am not denying that gender is an eternal concept.  It has been taught in the scriptures, and more recently as part of the Family Proclamation that this is a true concept.  The proclamation teaches about the importance of Gender Roles and their importance in this mortal world and in the eternities.  I personally embrace my roles as father, and priesthood holder.  I feel as though my brain is female, causing these feelings of disconnect between my inner and outer self, however I believe my spirit to be male, making it easier for me to be able to embrace these roles. The Proclamation also allows for individual circumstances to change due to disability or other issues. The other point I hope to have established is that to be Transgender is not a choice. Why would a person choose something that leads to such pain, is cause to such social stigma, and judgement from others?  It just isn't the case. I  I am hoping to show that one can be Transgender and remain in the church and I feel that Northstar and their Journey's of Faith project can begin to bust the stereotype that the two can not co-exist. You can like Northstar's Journey's of Faith page here https://www.facebook.com/LDSJourneysofFaith?fref=ts or visit their page directly http://northstarlds.org/journeys-of-faith/.  

http://ldslights.org/jumping-to-conclusions-about-mr-ms-jenner/

Please take a moment to read this article.  It was written by a friend of mine.  I share it, because I am a part of this story.  As part of Blaines article, he talks about an experience he had to sit in on a panel discussion of Transgender People share their experiences and how they navigate Gender Dysphoria and stay in the Gospel.  I was on one of those panels.  I'm not trying to toot my own horn, however I will be tooting my wife's horn in a second.

The second panel he discusses was with family members of those that are transgender.  Tina sat on that panel and I was responsible for introducing the moderator.  After introducing our moderator for the panel, I looked at all the beautiful people who were up there supporting their family members and I was overcome by the spirit in a a way I have never been touched.  For the first time ever, I felt what it was like to be loved.  Don't get me wrong, I had known I was loved, I knew my wife loved me, I knew my Heavenly Father loved me, but I had never FELT that love until that moment.  I cried throughout the session.  My wife asked me after what was wrong and I told her that I had never felt Love like that before.  She looked at me with her beautiful blue eyes, welling up with tears and said "You have ALWAYS been loved".  I looked back at her and said, "I know, but now I FEEL it."

An Introduction

As evidenced by the title of my Blog, I am a Transgender Mormon, yet I am so much more than that, and I would like to write more about my whole experience.  However for my initial post, I'd like to get some housecleaning out of the way.  Some of my followers know me by Brandon, which is the name my parents have given me.  It's a good name, a strong name, and a foundation for one of my favorite nicknames... Branmuffin!  The only issue, is that inside, I don't feel male, I feel like a female. Over the course of the last year, I have been examining closer who I am inside.  To those people who know me as part of my self discovery journey, they will know me by Lexi, which is how I am known in the Transgender LDS community. So, let's set up some house rules.  I bring this up, because some commentators may refer to me as Brandon, some as Lexi, it'll just depend on which side of the gap you are coming from.  I may be referred to he, him, or she and her, and I'm OK with all of that, I don't care what you may call me.... Just don't call me late for dinner (and if you've seen me, you know THAT doesn't happen... OK, a little self deprecating humor on my part..forgive me!)  I have been keeping two Facebook pages for the past year, and while I will continue with that, I hope to be able to bridge that gap with this blog.  I understand that some of you who have known me my whole life may not be comfortable with seeing me as Lexi.  I understand that, I really do.  That is why I created this blog so that if you are uncomfortable, you can come here and feel safe and follow me on my journey.

 I came out to my wife Tina about a year ago about my being Transgender, and my story of what has brought me to this point will be chronicled in an essay I am writing for Northstar and their Journey's of Faith project.  The point of this blog is to continue the story.  I will be filling this blog with information regarding what it is like being a transgender Mormon, the struggles, the triumphs and everything in between.  However, being transgender is just one aspect of who I am.  I am a Husband, Father, Therapist, sports enthusiast, music lover etc.  I plan on blogging on all these aspects, as I don't wish to be defined by one aspect of who I am.

So Why Come Out Now?

My initial plans for coming out were to wait until a few weeks prior to my Northstar essay was to appear, however several things have happened that have made me feel the need to share my story now, as opposed to waiting.  First of all, I attended a work conference and I attended a break out session regarding LGBT youth and suicide and understanding this within the gospel context.  I had heard this stat before, but for some reason, during that session it struck me harder than ever before.  41% of transgender individuals have attempted or completed suicide at some point in their lives.  That is 4 times the national average and double that of the LGB population.  Here is an article that points out this statistic and some of the reasons the suicide rate is so high.  http://www.vocativ.com/culture/lgbt/transgender-suicide/  This is just not OK by me.  I determined that I would share my story to give hope to others that there are other options. There are many reasons for the high suicide rate.  Bullying, discrimination, shunning by family members are some of them. It is imperative that family members take time to listen to their transgender family members. http://articles.latimes.com/2014/jan/28/local/la-me-ln-suicide-attempts-alarming-transgender-20140127.  

The other thing that happened that has made me up my timetable a bit is what I saw transpire during the Caitlyn Jenner Vanity Fair magazine story.  I saw Facebook fill up with words such as pervert, creep, loser, not a hero, etc.  These words were all words I used to describe myself for my whole life leading to a life full of self hatred and self loathing. I have worked hard in therapy to no longer look at myself in that way.  Seeing these comments brought back all those feelings I had about myself, however thankfully, I have the resiliency to overcome them.  I don't know that all transgender individuals have this resiliency and I worry that these types of comments and conversations will only further lead to the suicide rate being so high.  I am making a call for compassion. I also want to show that there are other ways to manage what is known as gender dysphoria.  At this time, I do not plan on following Caitlyn Jenner's path, which is known as social transitioning. That is her path, and I have my own.  I have no problem with her decision to transition, nor do I have any problem with people who decide to transition, even within the church, so long as they have prayed about it and followed their personal revelation.  I can promise you that the decision to socially transition is not some passing fancy or a whim.  It calls for serious reflection, lots of therapy etc.  As for my personal opinion on the Caitlyn Jenner story.  I was thrilled when I watched the 20/20 interview with Diane Sawyer.  I was worried that there would be some sensationalizing or giving into stereotypes of transgender individuals.  I found it to be educational and very tastefully done.  The Vanity Fair article was my worst nightmare.  It sexualized transgenderism, and sexualized Caitlyn.  I have seen many comments that there is more to being a woman than just pretty hair, pretty clothes etc, and that is exactly right.  It takes love, compassion, empathy, service to others, etc.  That to me is the essence of womanhood, and that is where the Vanity Fair issue missed the boat and used sex as a tool to sell magazines, instead of telling the story of someone who is embracing who they are and how she got to this point in her life.  May we all take a minute a ponder what we put up on Facebook and realize that people from all walks of life have various trials that we know nothing about.  Let's refrain from name calling and try to have more understanding.  This is my hope.   

I have included other links to other blogs from some of my friends who also are transgender and how they are navigating their Gender Dysphoria within the Gospel.  I also have included a link to a wonderful organization called Northstar, and in particular their Journey's of faith project.  Please take a moment to read from these blogs and see the wide variety of experiences that are a part of this human existence.  It is only through education that we can eradicate fear of the unknown.