Why Do I keep Doing This?

There are times where I ask myself if it's worth writing this blog.  Some posts are very emotional for me and I wonder if it's worth it.  I know that this is petty of me, but when I see very few likes on Facebook, I get down.  I know that I shouldn't because, well, I do this for me primarily and hope to help others in the process.

I was really wondering about why I keep this blog going a few weeks ago, when someone I served my mission with commented on Facebook "This makes me sick."  Since he has left the church, I didn't know if the fact that I was staying in the Church was making him sick, but I had a feeling that it was me being trans. My initial reaction was to attack, but the spirit whispered to hold off.  I took most of the day and sent him a private message later in the day.  We had a decent conversation, It's clear that he is uncomfortable with trans people, however his most pertinent experiences with trans people was in what he called a "tranny bar," which I asked him to not clump me or my group into that same category, as we are striving to stay true to Christ.  I realize that a person's first introduction to a transgender person goes a long way to how trans people will be viewed later.  I had another distant family member whose only experience with trans people was in Portland, and watching trans people bar hop.  I asked if it would have made a difference if his first exposure would have been in a FHE setting, with other trans folks reading the Book of Mormon, and bearing testimony of the savior would change his views, and he didn't have an answer.  (Which I get, It's hard to know.)

Then, last week, I got a message from someone whose child just came out as gay.  Now, even though being gay and transgender are two different issues, the impact for this person was very deep.  They had been following my blog and wanted to know how best to support their son.  Because of my associations with Northstar, I do have some resources for them, I do have parents they can talk to, but most of all, I have empathy.  I have some semblance of what they are going through.  Fortunately, their primary concern was to make sure that their child was loved, no matter what path they take.  I was grateful to hear that.  There are too many horror stories about children being abandoned by their parents, simply because they have an LGBT child.  Love is always the answer.

So, with that one contact, I know I made at least a small difference in someone else's life.  I often remember this poem, especially with being a social worker,  There is so much need out there, how can I possibly make a difference.  Well, here is my answer.

So, I will keep on.  I want to and need to share my story and my experiences.  I want people to have a different view of trans people than what they have been force fed by the national media, or other places that put trans people in a negative light.  I want my Mormon friends to realize that it is possible to be trans and remain an active member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints.  I want others to know of my testimony of my saviour Jesus Christ and that I know during my darkest times, he knows what I am going through.  No matter how much I want to tell myself I'm alone, I know that I am not.