As Joe Cocker and the Beatles stated, I get by "with a little help from my friends!!"

In one of my previous posts, I introduced you to one of my friends, the Genderbread person.




This to me is a fantastic graphic describing the differences between a person's gender identity, their sexual orientation, their biological sex etc.  If you notice over on the right, there is a spectrum of gender identities, some identify as neutral or non gendered, others feel fully male or female. And within biological sex, there are those who are born intersex, with parts of both male and female reproductive systems. (People who feel as though their biological sex and gender match are called cis-gender).  For me, I feel as though my biological sex does not match my gender which causes dysphoria.  The medical condition is called Gender Dysphoria.  The definition for Dysphoria is:  "a state of unease or generalized dissatisfaction with life."  So Gender Dysphoria is a state of unease or generalized dissatisfaction or disconnect between their biological sex and their gender.  Initially, many transgender people experience what has been termed "Gender Identity Incongruence", which is an overall feeling that something doesn't match, however no big deal.  Often times, this feeling goes away.  For me, and other people who are Transgender, this continues on into puberty and into adulthood and grows into full blown Dysphoria.  This Dysphoria for me tends to come out in a variety of ways, such as:

1 .Looking at myself in the mirror, and not recognizing the person in front of me.
2. Wishing and hoping that some miracle will occur to turn me into a woman (and then when the reality happens that is not going to happen, depression often follows.)
3. Jealously.  I honestly often times get jealous, not only of other women, but of men as well.  How I would LONG to feel comfortable not only in my own body, but within my gender/biological sex.  At times, I get overwhelmed with knowing that I quite possibly could be the only one in a room that experiences Gender Dysphoria, which leads to.......
4. Lonliness-  I often feel so alone and so overwhelmed at my loneliness that it leads to ....
5.  Depression:  I often get depressed and am currently on anti-depressants and therapy to cope with this depression.
5. Anxiety:  I have had panic attacks (or near panic attacks due to the disconnect I feel between my gender identity and my biological sex.) 
6:  Anger.  I really get frustrated with the gender norms of our society.  As evidenced by the Genderbread person, a person's gender expression is an important part of who they are.  I've used this analogy before, and I think it bears repeating again.  If a woman wants to go out with short hair, in a t-shirt, jeans, sneakers etc, no one even gives it a second thought.  We also must realize it wasn't always this way. However, if a man wants to go out in a dress, skirt, blouse or high heels.... well to quote one of my favorite movie villains of all time........














This gets really frustrating to me, however it is the society that we live in.

Given that there are a wide variety of ways that people experience Gender Dysphoria, there are an equal number of ways that people choose to cope with their gender Dysphoria.  I'd like to post two videos of two people who have chosen two different ways to manage their Gender Dypshoria, and please note, that in talking to each of them, they will both tell you that their stories are theirs alone,and they are in no way stating that theirs is the ONLY path, each transgender individual needs to find their own way.  The first video is from a friend of mine named Nick. You can watch his video Here. The other story comes from other friends Neca Allgood, and Grayson Moore and their video can be seen Here. 

In the above linked videos, we see two examples of two people who have chosen for whatever reasons to cope with their gender dysphoria in different ways.  I personally fall somewhere between the two.  I believe that for me, a full time transition (such as Grayson) is not for me.  I don't believe that is my path, and I also have found that when I do nothing to express my gender identity, everything in my life falls apart.  My work suffers, my family suffers, my emotional health suffers, my spiritual health suffers.  I wish this was something that could be prayed away, as I have tried to pray it away, plead for increased strength etc. That is why I dress on occasion to help balance out the Gender Dysphoria.

I was so grateful to find a support group where all points of view are accepted.  Just like there is a myriad of ways to deal with depression, anxiety, etc, there isn't a one size fits all solution to working with and coping with Gender Dysphoria.  This was comforting to me.  I had believed that there was only one way, and that was to transition, making my decision to come out even scarier for me, because I'd have to face that possibility.  So, I ask that when you come across someone who is transgender, remember that first and foremost they are children of a loving Heavenly Father.  Because he loves us so much, he gives each of us agency to act according to the "dictates of our own conscience".  We don't know their story, we haven't walked a mile in their shoes.  Whatever decision they make is theirs to make, and within an LDS context (or religious one in general) is between them and their Heavenly Father.   For those that are married or have children, I certainly would advocate that including them in the decision should also be done.

So, to my Transgender friends, comment below on how you experience Dysphoria.  Are there any on my list that you would like to add?  Feel free and comment below.